Life and Death

There was a piece on the radio about pancreatic cancer.  They were saying that it’s one of the most awful cancers, and that frequently there’s no hope of survival after the diagnosis is made.  The pathologist who was explaining it said that when you deal with those kind of things, you come up with a kind of sick humor just to keep yourself going. “You say things like, ‘tell that patient not to buy the big tube of toothpaste,’ she said.

“If I had that (diagnosis), I would hope that I would find the most beautiful place on earth and just stay there,” she said.

Last night on Facebook my friend Nick posted “…sometimes I peruse the real estate listings for places I can’t possibly afford.  Other times I price compare used R.V.’s…”  I really want a used R.V. – no – I want a used pop-up trailer that tows behind the car.  I feel it would make my camping so much more effective.  But I also think it would put me at risk for going camping and never coming back.

But, really, is that so bad?  It’s like finding the most beautiful place on earth and just staying there preemptively, without needing to have the horrible cancer.

I want to live in beauty all the time.  I want to camp, and grow things, and raise animals (crazy ones, like turkeys and llamas).  I want (and have always wanted) to be a pillar of the community – not like the state representative of a huge city.  More like, the head church lady in a big parish in a small town with rolling hills and brilliant sunsets.

I want these things now, just in case the cancer comes later.

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